Friday, November 26, 2010

Rough Draft: Cause and Effect Essay


Business Land Use In Hawaii

Back in the old days of Hawaii, the land was divided into wedge-shaped lands running from the mountain to the sea.  Within the ahupua`a, the land was used to sustain life in Hawaii.  Each ahupua`a contained fertile land used for farming crops like taro and sweet potato and to grow trees and plants like the koa tree.  However all of that changed when the Great Mahele came around and changed how the land was divided and used.
         In 1848, the Great Mahele divided the land into the Crown Land (owned by the king), Government Land, and the land owned by the chiefs and konohiki.  With the Great Mahele came the Kuleana Act of 1850, which then allowed the maka`ainana (commoners) to own land.  After that thousands of acres land went to foreigners.  The land was often sold and leased to foreigners as a payment of debt or for goods and services.  Already foreigners had most of the land and used it for many things like the sugar plantations and pineapple plantations.  After the overthrow, the former Crown Lands went to the government.
         Now days in Hawaii, the land is used much differently from the past.  Businesses use the land for retail factories, which is stores and for office buildings.  Industries use the land the land as well but it depends on the industry the business is apart of.  Most industries use the land for factories to create goods.  Hawaii land is used for agricultural purposes, which is apart of many industries like for growing crops (coffee beans, pineapples, and etc.) and producing food.  For example, Ala Moana is a huge business in Hawaii and takes up a lot of land.  The mall takes up has 2.1 million square feet of retail space and also the parking lot takes up a lot of land as well.  Ala Moana holds about 230 businesses, which include stores and restaurant.
         Lately in Hawaii there has been issues about the land use.  For example, the former Crown Lands that were given to the government after the overthrow known as ceded lands have been debated about how to use the land.  The state feels the right to sell or transfer the ceded lands since it was given to the government.  On Maui and the Big Island, the state has transferred pieces of ceded land to private companies to be used for residential and housing.  However the Office of Hawaiian Affairs took the state to court and won.  The Office of Hawaiian Affairs wanted to protect the ceded land and feel it should be preserved for the Hawaiians and the culture.
         The Great Mahele was made to modernize Hawaii, however it gave land to foreigners.  The foreigners then changed the use of land from farming land to sustain life to making factories and stores to gain money.

4 comments:

  1. Hello Mikayla!
    Zach here, and I think your blog post is excellent! You put detail and history into your essay, combined with fluency and reasoning about your topic. You explained why Hawaii's land is being used, what for, and why. Keep up the great work!

    Z117
    Going to comment on Kristen now.

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  2. Hey :)
    Oh my gosh, your essay really good! You put good detail and you did an excellent job relating back to the past. Just be careful about your last paragraph. It kinda dips into Residential, just be aware of that. But over all, it was a superb essay :)

    -Courtney Ortega

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  3. Hi Mikayla,

    Nice job on your revision. The part about land use for business is now more specific to Hawaii. As far as factories, can you name some factories that are here in Hawaii? When you researched land use, was there any information about the percentage of land used for different purposes? That information would be very helpful to your research and your essay. See me if you need help to find it.
    The last area for revision would be mechanics. There are some subject verb agreement errors. See me and I'll go over a couple with you and from there you should be able to correct the rest.
    Again, great job on this project!

    Peer Commentary (Zachary & Courtney): insufficient to show understanding of writing standards.

    mrs s

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  4. Hi Mikayla!
    I just wanted to remake my commentary so that it can actually help your writing instead of using one sentence. First of all, I would like to say that your history is well written, accurate, and detailed. You have information all about the great Mahele, and how it affects the business use of land in Hawaii, and what it does to the economy, how it affected commoners, chiefs, and foreigners back then, and as well as the way that it affects other subtopics as well as land for different purposes. One thing though, you can include how the land is used besides creating malls, like building homes, and how that has an impact on business. Other than that, I see very few errors, like a few incomplete sentences here and there, but overall, the history is accurate, your topic is covered, and you fulfilled the category of your use of land in business.
    Zach

    ReplyDelete